I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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