Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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