If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
