yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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