if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
