she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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