if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
