Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize