And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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