Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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