I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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