Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
