You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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