She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize