im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
