I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
