Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
