Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
