I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
is that a dick in a sweater?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
