Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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