I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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