My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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