it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
