If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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