dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
