yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Randomize