if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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