yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
