I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
