the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
