He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
