if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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