Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
