We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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