At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
