i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
