You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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