party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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