You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
