I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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