you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
