she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
