someone owes me an orgasm
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
