Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
