she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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