At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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