I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
