on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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