Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
