you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
