I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
