So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
