can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You can't motorboat a personality
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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