My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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