Sry I called you an 8
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
