im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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