the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
