My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
