Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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