why do cheetos always look like penises
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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