And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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