is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
