I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
